Praying in Tongues is one of the 12 prayer types I cover in “Made To Pray.” It’s also probably the most controversial.

When I was writing the book, I was told by an industry expert that publishers and bookstores would reject it because tongues was in it. Some have and some will. But I decided to include tongues anyway because I believe it’s as valid a prayer type as say, praise or petition. No one would dream of removing those.

Plus the Apostle Paul wrote, “I thank God that I speak in tongues more than all of you” (1 Corinthians 14:18). If it was good enough for Paul, shouldn’t it be good enough for us?

There’s a lot of confusion about tongues.

One of the most popular articles on my website is “Ten Myths About Speaking in Tongues.” Web searches are done almost daily on the topic. When I’ve spoken on the subject of tongues in churches, there’s a wave of bewilderment when I say there are three types of tongues in the New Testament.

Well, we can’t cover everything about tongues, but here’s a start.

In this video interview, I talk with Becky Spencer about how praying in tongues is helping her in the tragic loss of her grandson, Honor.

We cover these questions:

1. How is praying in tongues helping you in this challenging season?
2. When did you start praying in tongues?
3. Why do you think this type of prayer is so controversial?

If you’d like to learn more about tongues, I encourage you to order Made To Pray.

What do you think about praying in tongues? You can comment by clicking here.

About Becky Spencer

Becky is a homeschooling mom of eight kids, wife of husband Tracy of 36 years, author, speaker, worship leader, and co-founder of Grand Staff Ministries, which ministers to children in Swaziland, Africa.

Her books are “When Prince Charming Falls off His Horse…and you’ve become his nag,” “Leapin’ Lizards…another other leaps of faith,” and “Bigger than Me: Finding a Strong Enough Reason to Eat Right for Life.” Her musical albums are “Empty” and “Tears of a Clown.”

Learn more about Becky’s ministry, books, and music at www.BeckySpencerMinistries.com.

Asher is a boy in the Philippines. He’s our boy, we’re adopting him. In August Asher turns four. We should hear soon that we can schedule our trip. Then we’ll wait another four or five weeks until we can go.

It’s not easy to wait, would you agree?

Asher’s picture is on my phone and when I look at him, my heart hurts. We haven’t met yet, but we love him already. He’ll share a room with Rex, our other son. We just want him here.

Waiting is a fact of life. Sure, none of us wake up and hope to wait today. We don’t pray, “God, let me wait extra long.” If we get into waiting, we look for a way out. Waiting is painful.

But since we can’t avoid waiting, let’s make the best of it. Here are some thoughts on how to wait well.

• Waiting isn’t a punishment, but rather a tool in the hand of God. If you believe that God works all things for the good of those who love him (Romans 8:28), then you must affirm that God uses waiting for your good. I know—it’s a terrible thought. It’s easier to get all hot and bothered about having to wait longer than you think you ought to. But take heart—God can actually use waiting to make you better.
• God is more interested in shaping your character than giving you what you want. Look at what waiting can do—waiting teaches you that you’re not in control; waiting births patience; waiting tells you that you’re not the most important person; waiting carves out endurance. Perhaps more valuable than the thing you’re waiting to receive is the work God is doing in your heart. Maybe the fruit of waiting is the real reward. Gifts come and go, but character lasts.
• The feeling of longing echoes eternity. It’s not bad to feel longing, have unmet desire, or to be hungry. These are echoes of eternity. This world is not our home. We are not yet face-to-face with God. There is something better coming. When we long for something that has not yet come, it is a reflection that we have not yet received what will be received. There is more on the way!

• Celebrate the current season, which will one day pass. The last thing our family did four years ago as we left our house to adopt Rex, was to thank God. We grabbed hands and thanked God for the current season. It had been the three of us—Colette, Asia, and myself—for so long. And now it would be four. The current season won’t last forever, so celebrate the goodness of it now. And even if it’s the worst season of your life, celebrate what God is doing through it (remember Romans 8:28).
• When you have to wait for something, the reception is sweeter. When you receive something without waiting, there’s limited joy. Immediate gratification brings shallow reward. But when the waiting has been long and hard, the reception is sweeter because you’ve done the work of waiting. Waiting drives a deeper hooray.

It would have been nice to pick Asher off a shelf the day we decided to adopt. But I wouldn’t trade these three years of waiting for what they have formed in us. May we all learn to wait well and make the best of it.

What are you waiting for? You can comment below.

And then Jack, who emailed me to say he has returned to his prayer room to wait on God every morning after being away from it. Praise God! So I decided to provide an excerpt from the chapter. May God use it in your life! 

Luke 10:38–42 tells the story of Mary and Martha of Bethany.

Jesus was a guest in their home, probably along with the other disciples. As guests, they were persons of honor. Hospitality was very important, a cultural responsibility. So Martha set herself to preparing the home for Jesus and the other guests. But not Mary. No, Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and listened.

Martha acted like a host, but Mary acted like a guest.

When Martha noticed that Mary wasn’t helping her, she said to Jesus, “Don’t you care that my sister is doing nothing and I’m doing everything alone? Tell her to help me!”

But Jesus didn’t tell Mary to help Martha. Instead he said, “Martha, Martha,”—he said her name not once but twice—“you are worried about many things, but only one thing is needed.”

Jesus didn’t care about the hospitality or cultural rules or even what Martha would feel or think. He just wanted her to spend time with him.

He said, “Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

In other words, it’s better to sit and listen than to stand and do. Mary and Martha teach that when Jesus is present, it’s better to be a guest than a host.

Listening prayer is sitting at the feet of Jesus and listening for him. He might speak; he might not. He might act; he might not. That’s not the point. The goal of listening prayer is being silent so that God becomes your only noise. It’s to be still and know that he is God (Psalm 46:10).

Listening prayer is quieting yourself to the hush of the Almighty so that your soul is satisfied chiefly in Him. You feast in his presence.

Your soul is hungry and pines for nourishment. It roams the space of the earth looking for its fill. And when it finds something it thinks will satisfy, it devours it whole. Then feeling still empty again, not whole, it roams farther out, farther in, farther up, and farther down, ranging the depths and heights for the prize. Busy but not finding.

But Jesus said to eat of him, the manna from heaven, the bread of life.

“Eat my body and drink my blood” (John 6:54), “and you will not be hungry and thirsty again” (John 4:14).

An anointing is a special purpose or enabling to do something particular. The prayer of intercession comes with a seeking anointing; the purpose is to seek and be led by God. Prophetic prayer comes with a sending and saying anointing; the purpose is to go to whom God sends you and say what he has said to say.

But listening prayer comes with a sitting anointing. The purpose is to sit and listen for Jesus.

Sounds simple. The easy life, like retiring right after graduating from college. Jumping into your bathrobe from your graduation gown. “If God wants you to lie on a couch and be with him, that’s the best place you can be,” the wise man said. Yes, sounds easy, but it’s not, which means Mary has much to teach you.

She teaches you that while there are cultural norms to obey and acts of service to perform, better still is listening for Jesus. The Bible says that Martha was “distracted by the preparations.” Distracted from what? Distracted from what was more important than her preparations.

You might say that sitting in the heat of activity is the distraction. But it’s not. The real distraction is doing that which keeps you from sitting with Jesus. Jesus said what Mary did would not be taken away from her. But he didn’t say the same to Martha.

When anything trumps your devotion to Jesus, it’s fair game to be removed. Nothing is more sacred.

Not even service to Jesus is sacred. Jesus would rather you sit with him than serve him. He is more jealous for your presence than he is for your service. Can the same be said about you?

Are you more jealous for God’s presence than his service? You can comment by clicking here.

According to Harvard Medical School, change is a process, not an event. Lasting change doesn’t happen quickly or haphazardly. Sure, you can try to change—do something different for a little while—but unless you plan the change process, it will probably fail.

So what can you do? Here are 8 steps to inspiring change–and increasing prayer–in your organization.

Make a Plan
The process of change takes planning. A jolt of inspiration might be the catalyst for the idea of change, and it can infuse creativity and passion into the process. But inspiration alone can’t carry the change. Intention has to take over where inspiration falls short. A well-planned change process will meet the objections and signal to others that you’re serious about it. Planning is a best practice for success.

Idea: Take your time to plan a comprehensive change process, thinking about every step.

Signal That a Shift Has Come
Make a visible statement that it’s a new season. Do something memorable rather than just announcing it. Create a sensory experience that transcends the intellect. Stir emotions. This magnifies the importance of the change and declares that things are going to be different. It also shows intentionality.

Idea: Create a blog or online forum for sharing thoughts about prayer, prayer requests, and answers to prayer.

Live the Change Out Loud
If you’re not living the change, why should others? Leading change is living the change out loud. How can you ask them to do something that you’re not willing to do? Your appeal will fall short and you’ll lose credibility if you don’t adopt the change yourself. You’ve got to be the biggest fan of your proposal. If you’re not convinced, they won’t be.

Idea: Share openly about your own efforts to increase prayer via blog, email, or up front.

Demonstrate the Value
Change is about personal cost and value. When a change is proposed, the natural response is, “How will this affect me?” Next comes a cost and benefit analysis, even if it’s informal and instantaneous. People want to know what the change will cost them and what benefits they’ll receive—this is value. As one who is living the change out loud, you’re in a good position to demonstrate the value. Don’t just explain the value—demonstrate it.

Idea: Show what you gave up to pray, but what you gained by doing it.

Communicate Clearly What You’re Asking Them To Do
Ambiguity creates inaction. If people are confused about what you’re saying, they won’t act. Be very clear about what you’re asking them to do. Rehearse your appeal. Wordsmith it. Clarify. Simplify. Leave no room for misunderstanding. Put yourself in their position. They’re hearing this for the first time. They haven’t bought into the value yet. They haven’t immersed themselves in the change process like you have. Understand your audience and deliver the appropriate message.

Idea: State in writing exactly what you’re asking your people to do.

Provide Tools for Success
Identify tools to help your people be successful. Calling for change and not providing help is like telling someone she’s sinking in quicksand, but not doing anything about it. It’s cruel and short-sighted. But if you provide tools to help them through the change, there’ll be a higher rate of adoption. It shows them you know change is a challenge, but you care about their success.

Idea: Help your people find their best prayer types by reading Made to Pray and taking its companion prayer assessment.

Offer a Short Term Incentive
In addition to tools, offer a short term incentive that will motivate the people until the benefits can be realized and demonstrated. Once the value is being reaped, the incentive can be removed. The goal of the incentive is to take the focus off the pain that change brings. The incentive ought to be related to (or at least not in opposition to) the appeal. It also has to be personal. Your people will be asking, “What’s in it for me?”

Idea: Give away prayer points when they attend group prayer meetings, which can earn prizes.

Measure Tangible Success
Finally, decide how to measure success. Exactly how will success be measured? It’s one thing to call for change, but if you don’t have a way to measure success tangibly, you won’t know if you’ve reached your goal–and no one else will either. What’s the point then? Don’t skip this critical step.

Idea: Survey people after your change campaign to measure its effects.

Yes, leading change is hard. But you can motivate your organization if you follow the right steps (and pray!).

How else can you inspire change in your organization? You can comment by clicking here.

I couldn’t manage the emotions driving me down, driving me deep. I needed something to stop them or stunt them, if just for a moment.

So I took the cigarette from my mouth and pressed it against my skin. My once-soft-and-perfect baby skin, free from scar, free from scratch, buckled beneath the heat. The skin crumbled; it folded inward on itself. A sign of what was happening to me.

Today I’m years away from that season, but I still bear the mark. I suppose I always will.

Life marks us in ways we do not deserve or expect. It did for Sherry.

Sherry is a single mom with two kids. She was laid off from her job. A week later she was told she had breast cancer.

This past April, Sherry was marked in a way unthinkable for a woman–by a double mastectomy. And in June, she’ll begin eight months of chemotherapy.

Oh how life marks us in ways we do not deserve or expect.

But there’s a bright side for Sherry. Perhaps this season will be marked by more than cancer and loss.

My friends are raising money to pay for eight months’ of Sherry’s living expenses while she’s receiving treatment. The goal is $10,000.

Here are some ways you can help:

• Buy a t-shirt. The cost is $20 each. Sizes are Adult S-XL. The color is royal blue. Cost of shirts were paid for by sponsors, so all proceeds go to Sherry. Shirts can be shipped if you add $5 for shipping. Click on the Donate button below, enter the total amount, and email Kevin & Amy at KevinSliman@gmail.com with the size of shirts and shipping address.
• Donate online. Please note that your donation is not tax deductible. Click below to donate.

The official t-shirt worn by Sherry’s daughter, Kylie

Back of the t-shirt with shirt sponsors. All money goes directly to Sherry.

With your help, we can mark this season with love for Sherry. And when she looks back years from now, she’ll remember how a community came around her, more than she sees her scars.

You’d want the same.

Sometimes I see newlyweds, and they’re all starry and smiley, and they could never dream of having mean thoughts toward the other. But one day they will.

Welcome to marriage! (By the way, congratulations Gerald and Janice on your engagement!)

The question is not if you will fight, but rather how you will. Here are 7 ways to make a fight with your spouse even worse. I’m happy to say Colette and I avoided all of them (this time).

Bring up an ex. Unless the argument involves an ex, don’t bring them up. You’re just asking for trouble. Are you a moron? Are you trying to be mean? Don’t bring up your ex’s: “I wish you were more like Ronny, he knew how to treat a girl” or “Can’t you be more like Sheila, now she respected me.” This signals that you’re thinking of greener pastures, which works against the notion of working through whatever comes your way. And don’t deride your spouse’s ex’s: “At least I’m not as bad as Beverly, she was horrible” or “I smell better than Marcus did on any day.” By attacking your spouse’s previous choices, you’re just ridiculing your spouse.

Blab to others on Facebook or Twitter. Nowadays it’s easier than ever to get the word out. You don’t have to pick up the phone. Facebook and Twitter allow you to bash your spouse in a matter of seconds. Even in the midst of an argument, you can post your feelings to the masses. But when you feel like posting about your spouse, don’t do it. Social media is not a means to work through your feelings, gain supporters to your side, or retaliate against your spouse. Honor your spouse on social media. Keep between you what should stay between you. Yes, you can always delete a tweet or post, but once it’s been read, it’s harder to undo.

Refer to your spouse as a pronoun. When you’re in the throes of battle, it’s easy to refer to your enemy as “he” or “she” or “you.” You can’t believe what She said. It’s just terrible what He did. What am I supposed to do with You? But guess what? Your spouse has a name, so use it. It’s easier to demonize your spouse when you avoid their name. Suddenly they become a pronoun. You can do anything to a pronoun, there’s no attachment. But on the other hand, names are attached to experiences, affections, commitments. It’s harder to attack a name.

Involve your kids. You may be tempted to gain support for your cause by enlisting your kids’ opinions. You want to hear if they think you’re right or your spouse is right. You want to recruit players for your team. Don’t do it. Asking your children to take sides isn’t fair to them. It’s unlikely they can make an objective decision, anyway. So stay away from involving your kids in your fight. It’s healthy for children to know their parents disagree, and good for them to see fighting done well. But don’t make them choose between their parents.

Patronize through shallow compliments or physical advances. You might think that dropping, “You’re so beautiful, honey” in the middle of an argument will calm the storms. Or rubbing her knee will suddenly smooth out the wrinkles. But who do you think you are–Don Juan or Don Juanita? As if a sweet word or touch from you will make her forget the fight. What power you hold! Think again. Offering shallow compliments or physical advances will probably just infuriate the other. Who wants pleasantries that are insincere? Flattering will get you nowhere, except maybe a night on the couch.

Engage in impulsive behavior. You’re angry. You want to get even. You want to take your mind off things. This is not the time to engage in impulsive behavior or retaliate by doing something stupid. You may want to buy something extravagant, get drunk, look at porn, hook up with someone, hurt yourself. There are all sorts of impulsive behaviors to choose from. But doing something like this will just make matters worse. Instead of dealing with the argument, you’ll have to deal with the consequences of your behavior. Find better ways to deal with your emotions so when the argument clears, you can move forward instead of being stuck in the past.

Forget you love this person. Above all, remember you love this person. He or she is not the devil. You vowed to love each other for better or for worse. Perhaps it’s the “for worse” part right now. Love anyway! That’s the deal. 1 Corinthians 13:5 says that love is not self-seeking. The nature of love is not to get, it’s to give, so perhaps love is at its loveliest when it’s sacrificial. Love is easy in the daisies, harder in the doldrums. What kind of lover are you? The kind who loves when the lovin’s easy, or the kind who loves when the lovin’s hard?

May you love well, and should you fight, fight well.

What are other things to avoid when fighting with your spouse? You can comment by clicking here.

A song mash-up is a combination of songs that are laid seamlessly together. An example is this song mash-up of Whitney Houston’s “I Wanna Dance With Somebody” paired with Cindy Lauper’s “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun.”

You can do the same with Bible verses. For your mama, stitch together related Bible verses to form a Bible mash-up prayer.

Pick a topic, say humility, and string together verses about humility:

“God, you ask why do we look at the speck in our brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in our own eye? You ask why do we look down on our brother? We know that when we judge others, we will be judged with the same measure we use. We will all stand before your seat in judgment. God, you oppose the proud but give grace to the humble. Convict us of our pride, Lord, and lead us to humility.” (Mtw 7:2–3; Rom 14:10; James 4:6)

Or marriage:

“God, you say that a man will leave his father and mother and be united with his wife. You say that he who finds a wife finds a good thing. Surely a wife is a lily among the thorns, and a husband is an apple tree among the trees of the forest. They will become one, apple tree and lily, husband and wife. A cord of three is not easily broken—the husband, the wife, and Christ.” (Eph 5:31–32; Prov 18:22; SS 2:2–3; Ecc 4:12)

So for Mother’s Day, spend some time in the Word and create a Bible mash-up prayer for her. It’s a gift that will last.

Earrings will break, scarves will tear, flowers will die….but the word of the LORD stands forever.

PS If you do want to give my book as a Mother’s Day gift, I’m offering a personalized, autographed copy for $15 each. If you’re local, you can get it in time for Sunday. Just contact me for details.

If you’re not local, you can get the same deal, only it won’t arrive for Mother’s Day. Click here to order from me.

It started as a deep gray feeling, then widened and darkened into a black abyss. I lived with five of my college friends, but felt all alone. It got so bad I dropped out of school and entered treatment.

The doctors said I had suffered from low grade depression for years. I don’t know if this was true, but it’s what they said. Apparently I had a knack for coping. But this current season of depression, this slick and slippery downward spiral that threatened my entire world, was beyond coping. I wanted to kill myself.

I’m better now. It’s 14 years later. In the course of my depression, lots of people tried to help. I know their heart was right. But sometimes, their words were not.

Following are seven things that Christians shouldn’t say to someone who’s depressed. (No blame here—I said some of these things to others myself.)

Just pray more.
Oh, my lack of praying was the cause of my depression. And my prayerlessness was the reason I couldn’t find my way out. When I was depressed, I couldn’t hold a firm thought. And I had serious doubts about my relationship with God. I didn’t know what he thought of me. Part of me didn’t care. I tried to pray, but it didn’t seem to do any good.

Better: I’m praying for you.

If you have abundant life, you don’t have a reason to be depressed.
Some people think that if you’re saved, and therefore have abundant life, then you have no excuse to be depressed. If your soul is right with God, that’s all you need. But depression is an illness. And while you live on this earth, you’ll deal with illnesses. If your friend comes down with the mumps, you don’t say, “You can’t have mumps—you’re a Christian!”

Better: I know God wants to walk this with you, that’s abundant life.

It’s not a good witness if you’re depressed.
Christians are supposed to be joyful and victorious, right? What does it say about Christianity if its followers are not? Doesn’t that make for a bad witness? I don’t think so. I think the world is looking for people who are authentic in their struggles. Facing challenges is common ground. Authenticity holds incredible value. Who wants a plastic, puffed up Christian? I’d rather see one who bleeds.

Better: We can all benefit from seeing a Christian deal with depression in a real way.

Just cast the demon out, go on medication, or get counseling—and move on.
We’d all like a quick fix. But I believe that depression can have a variety of concurrent influences–demons, chemical influences, false belief systems and emotional wounds. The depressed person is a whole person—spirit, soul, and body—so treat him or her as such. My recovery centered on all three.

Better: There are probably multiple influences, so consider a holistic recovery plan.

You just need to get around more people.
When I was feeling incredibly lonely, the answer was not to get around more people. Like somehow being around more people would snap me out of it. I’d finally find whatever I was missing in this crowded space. But actually, I felt more alone in a crowd. Instead, I needed to not have to explain myself another time. I needed a few people with whom I could feel safe and protected. There’s a difference between isolating from everyone and choosing a few supporters.

Better: You deserve the space you need, but who are your supporters?

Can’t you just be joyful and grateful?
Umm, easier said than done, especially when you can’t remember when you last felt this thing called joy and you’re convinced you’ll never feel grateful again. Not when it takes all your energy to lace your shoes for the day and to remember how to drive the way you have driven one hundred times before. Choosing joy and gratefulness is challenging for the most enlightened and most holy that are at their best, how is it for those who are barely clinging to reasons not to drive themselves into the concrete lane divider?

Better: I believe things will get better for you—that’s not joy or gratefulness, that’s hope.

Lame Christian clichés like, “Let go and let God,” “God helps those who help themselves,” and “Everything happens for a reason.”
These statements might work well on a greeting card, but not for normal discourse. When a well-intentioned friend sprung one on me, it just made me mad. How could one statement be the answer to the heart-wrenching, soul-turning, life-sapping struggle I was facing? It seemed like the golden advice made them feel better, but made me feel worse. And inside I registered that friend as unsafe.

Better: I don’t have many answers, but I will listen or just sit with you.

If you’re supporting someone who’s depressed, let me get you off the hook. They’re probably not looking for you to solve their problems or make it go away. They’re probably just looking for you to love them gently and patiently. So do that and avoid statements that might make you feel good, but will push them away.

What have you found to be helpful to say? You can comment by clicking here.